1+1 = 5…..Who Knew?!

So, following up from this post…

I was feeling horrendous for awhile and couldn’t figure out just why.  I at first thought that maybe I was waiting too long to eat brekkie in the mornings or that I was exercising too hard.  (Some days I was able to do a 30 day shred workout, and then a walk in the evenings).  Then I thought I was just eating wrongly.  But then, that was followed by exhaustion.  I was tired before I even awoke in the mornings.  I’d be falling asleep watching tv with Jamayia in the afternoons.  For the life of me, I had NO clue what was happening.  My tolerance level for nonsense was also shortened immensely! 

At the time I was reading a novel with a female character in the lead.  She started feeling ill herself and when she visited her doctor her options were either tumour or pregnancy.  Then it clicked.  I’d better test myself because I’d rather be pregnant versus tumourous.

**drumroll please**

I’m pregnant!!!!!!!!  **still blinking**

The shock is slowly wearing off.  I think I’m due sometime in January 2011.  Listen to me–I “think” I’m due… 

LOL….well, three kids. 

Woah!

I De-Lurked Today

And it’s not even national (or international) de-lurking day or anything.  I’ve de-lurked before, but usually to bloggers that are complete strangers to me, who live in the US or someplace else in my hometown who I know I’ll probably never meet.

Today was personal.  I actually know the woman and see her regularly, though we’re not close or don’t hang out.  But we’re kind to each other when we do see each other.  She was wondering about her relationship, just general questions, nothing earth-shattering or anything.  The part that made me want to comment was when she was wondering if she’s the only one who’s only ever had one relationship in her lifetime and have it turn into something long term.

Nope.  She’s not alone.  That’s happened to me.  I have no regrets.  So, I de-lurked to let her know that she’s not alone and that’s she’s in no way abnormal or bizarre.  There’s no shame in one relationship.  It’s rare these days, but not impossible. 

All the best to you, my dear :-)

Isn’t Marriage Worth Saving?

Let me clarify–I’m not talking about myself, personally.  But in sticking with my pledge to be a more honest blogger, I wanted to post my viewpoint on this topic of marriage vs divorce.

I just read a post on a blog I regularly read.  She said that two days ago, her & hubby filed for divorce.  She went on to explain that she loves him and always will.  But, she’s not in love with him.  She’s kept this secret for years, hidden from everyone.  She’s made every effort to do her marriage right, but she’s just not in love with her hubby anymore, hence the divorce.

So what?  Well, she’s entitled to do whatever she wants.  But a few things bothered me.  Enough that I may have to post a comment and ask a couple questions.  I’ll keep them general questions, though.  I don’t want to attack her.  Here’s a list of things that initially came to mind: 

The first thing:  Why jump directly to divorce?  Why not separate and work on reconciliation?  Is marriage not a relationship worth saving?  Is counselling an option for this relationship?  Are you even open to working on falling “in love” with your spouse again?  If you don’t want to work towards it, why not?

The second thing:  The overwhelming, but somewhat bland support that the post commentators are showing.  Their comments are nothing but respect, and admiration and applause for the Blogger for taking this step of divorce.  Not one comment has encouraged her to make every effort in her marriage.  Not one has offered hints, tips or tricks on how to work at starting over in the marriage and working on falling in love with your spouse.

The second thing really saddened me.  But it also opened my eyes as to why the divorce rate in so high in today’s world and why is so widely and easily accepted.  In no way am I saying that divorced people should be attacked in any way, shape or form.  But it’s almost as though divorce has become a sort of status symbol in our society.  In many cases, it seems that people try harder to salvage most relationships, except the marital one.  Why is that?  Why fight for years with a parent/sibling/relative (whom you didn’t choose) but walk away from a spouse (whom you willingly chose)? 

This leads into my third thought:  If you’re in a good marriage, best of friends with your spouse, things are going well, and your find yourself no longer “in” love, does that mean you must divorce?  If you were working together all this time, then why not continue?  Of course, communicate with your spouse and discuss your feelings.  But does it mean that the relationship needs to be over because the “in” is missing, though the love is there? 

And the fourth and final thing:  Does one’s perspective on marriage change based on spiritual beliefs?  Divorce happens in both Christian and non-Christian circles.  Do the efforts vary?

My intention is not to bash or disrespect anyone.  I often have these questions in my head when I hear of some divorces, so I threw them out there.  In the end, the decision lies with the couple to do whatever they think is best for their situation.  I have no say in anyone’s marriage, but my own.

The Thin Line

I just read this blog post and it was enough to get me thinking.  And thinking well, because I’m actually posting.  The blogger is choosing to end her blog, in part because she doesn’t want to risk embarrassing her kids as they age and in part because she can’t be a honest and forthcoming with some of her posts as she’d like to be. 

I don’t blame her.  I’ve struggled with the same thing on this blog, wanting to pour my heart out, but holding back.  I mean, I’m not about to seek permission from someone to share my opinion on a matter.  However, they also have the right to their privacy and shouldn’t fear having their life on public blogging display.  There’s a line, however thin and however high, but there’s a line and I choose to respect it in the best way possible. 

Don’t worry–I’m not closing my blog now.  I will be looking at life differently and trying to find ways to share my experiences, from my perspective.

I Like A Clear Message

I just got home from a brainstorming session, and am feeling inspired about two things.

1) I need to turn down a position.

2) There’s lots of potential for me to do well as a parent.

The children’s ministry leader of my church called an impromptu meeting at her place tonight.  The plan was just to sit and talk about what we can do for the children and how best to lead them spiritually.  The few people who were there this evening are not parenting experts.  We each have struggles with our own children, in our own homes.  Yet, we all know that we have a passion to encourage our kids and those around us, to look to God for direction in their lives.  We’re also determined to do our best to lead by example.

While I was sitting through this chat, I was struggling with something else in my head.  I was also asked to co-lead the women’s ministry team this year for my church.  That’s a huge role!!  I’ve been involved in women’s ministry for years, but never as the official leader.  Yet, I knew that there was no way to do both–the children and the women.  And as we were talking, I realized that it was okay to just concentrate on the kids.

I have two girls.  My role as a mother didn’t end in the birthing room.  As I think about it, pregnancy and labour were the easiest parts of this parenting journey.  I’m responsible to teach them about life.  I need to help them with the basics for living–walking, talking, eating, dressing, potty training, functioning in society and so own.  More than that, I’m also responsible for encouraging them to live right; to motivate them to live and to teach them that there is a point to life.  While I can’t force them into anything, I can surely do my best to guide them to do their personal best. 

So, sorry women’s ministry–it’s a no to leadership from me.  I don’t have the time that is needed to dedicate to such a vital position.  And I refuse to accept a position, especially leadership, if I cannot do it justice.  There’s nothing worse than messing up a department, particularly when one knows better.

Hello children’s ministry!  My girls are at an age now, where I’d be able to better participate.  I’m currently helping out in the Kindergarten class, which is ages 4-6 years old.  This will keep me on my toes, especially as Jamayia will very soon be 4 years old herself–yikes!!!!!

I’ve been looking for direction as to what to do and where to get myself involved, especially where my girls are concerned.  This should be a fun adventure. 

Hello…ello….lo…lo….lo

That’s the sound of my voice echoing at the emptiness on this blog.  Woah–I knew it’d been a while, but I wasn’t expecting that my last post was wayyyy back in January.  What’s been going on?

  • We went to California
  • All of us went (it was originally supposed to be Jhyelle & I)
  • I started working on the side a wee bit
  • I had some whack flu bug (I’d gone a whole eight years without vomiting!!!)
  • Jamayia’s been sick every single month…and is getting sick again
  • Jhyelle’s had small touches of illness after Jamayia, but nothing unbearable
  • I started working out…paused, due to illness…and have restarted again

I’ll now have to backtrack and do more detailed updates.  But welcome to today.  The Dr’s office found a slot for Jamayia with another Dr in the practice.  She started coughing again yesterday, and it’s sounding quite chesty to me. 

Oh…and I got an iPhone.  Cools!!! 

Hurdle Cleared

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the last few days.  Not just the reflective kind of thinking, but the weighing pros & cons sort of thinking.  We need more income.  We’re not looking to be millionaires or anything.  But we have a few family trips coming up.  In fact, we’ve cancelled one family reunion trip due to lack of funds.  I haven’t even begun to mention the monstrosity of a back yard that has yet to be landscaped…or at least sodded & grassed.  We could use a few extra dollars.

Since the Hubby already works (and hard, at that!  Thanx, Dear!), that would leave me.  What could I do that would allow me to earn some cash, work flexible hours & like my job??  All of that, without neglecting my husband or children or household??  Sounds like some sort of entrepreneurial-ship venture.  But what?  Which one?  So many options out there.

And would I want to sell anything?  Sure, working from home is cool.  And others (whom I think are cool people) do it.  Would I be okay in joining them?

I realized tonight that yes, I would be fine with joining them.  Everybody sells.  I’ve sold before.  (I used to work retail, in the mall, for Kernels Popcorn.  I’ve even worked at a smaller, local business, the fantastic Baby Bin Boutique.  So what’s wrong with selling a product that I believe in, under my own (well, mostly under my own) terms??  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing’s wrong with it. 

After this Cali trip, you will be hearing back from me…  Stay tuned!

Wanted: New Pad For Change Table

As our potty training progresses, we’ve come to an interesting need:  we need a new pad for our change table.  What happened to our old one?  Well, it was slowly tearing apart.  But then yesterday, we had a lovely potty fail and well, it went straight in the garbage after that. 

What had happened was…  Yesterday morning, we went to change out of pjs and into clothes.  Jamayia undressed herself, and was holding her pull-up in her hand.  (She fully knows how to put it on too!).  So, I thought she’d just dress herself when ready.  As I’m in the hallway, gathering dirty laundry, I hear the sound of liquid splatting.  I run back to the room, as she looks as me and tells me “Mommy, I have to go potty”. 

I try hard not to yell or flip out.  All the potty training suggestments are clear on this–do not make the child feel like a failure when there are accidents.  Lucky for her, I succeeded, even though I was disturbed at now having to sanitize everything that had been touch by urine.  I cleaned her up, put on the pull-up and explained, yet again, that we go pee in the green potty or toilet.  Not in our clothes, not in our pants, and not on the change table.

I’m happy to report that we’ve had much better success today.  2 hits in the potty and no fails!!! 

Once at home training is down, we can work on our outside of home training.

Anyone know where to get a good change pad cheap at a low price point?

"More"

Hello 2010.  Seems like a weird year to say.  And yet we, as a people, have come so far since 1910.  Over the last couple weeks I’ve been tossing around resolution-type ideas in my mind.  I’ve spent the last quarter of 2009 thinking and learning things about myself.  Asking myself some hard questions and trying to answer them honestly. 

One thing I learned is that I’m not a (big) dreamer.  In fact, I don’t really dream at all, for myself.  I think I’m scared of failing–so why make a list of wild ideas that I will never achieve??  Yet, on the other hand, why not give myself something to aim towards?  At least toss up some plans/resolutions and post them someplace.  Kind of like a dartboard.  Then step back, grab the darts, aim and throw.  Why not see how close I get to the bull’s eye?

Thankfully, the latter part of my thinking one out.  It’s okay to not succeed at everything.  It’s also okay to publicize those failures.  My readers can learn something from me…or else get huge laughs at my attempts.

The first step in this new thinking was the overall picture of what I want.  The word “more” came to mind the other night.  I want more this year.  More of hubby and our time together.  More of our kids.  More exercising.  Better eating.  More money for the essentials.  More blogging.  More growth spiritually.  More sleep.  More creativity.  More happy memories.

I will definitely have to look back in January 2011 and see how close I was to my target.