faith – Page 2 – Sabrina J-R

Caught Off-Guard: part 2

So now I was okay internally, with a new baby. Externally, however, I was still scared…

Scared because while I had peace about this pregnancy, I knew that not everyone else would understand my peace and what God was doing in my life. I don’t even understand all that God is doing in my life–Ha! There is no simple explanation; no clear cut answer to the flood of comments and invasive questions I was about to receive. People talk—all the time and often too freely. My biggest concern was my response to the questions and comments. Even though I did not ask for them, preparation was required. As one who claims to be reppin’ Jesus, I needed to be appropriate regardless of their impropriety.

Well, when I was pregnant with baby #3, the comments were a steady flow. Everything from “going for the boy now?” to “are you stopping after this?” and then some. You know—things that are not their business. While I tried to shrug it off, I did find that most of these questions were tiptoeing heavily on the line of rude. And if that’s how they felt about three, I knew not much would change with #4.

This fear held me back for the longest time. I avoided announcing this pregnancy publicly, choosing to let the *bump* speak for itself. And while the questions did come, I did the ‘smile-and-nod’ bit for the most part. Because I was filled with God’s peace, I was okay with not having a response to the pointed questions. It took me weeks to get to this point, mind you. So, while my outer reaction is to be kind, my inner reaction is to pray that these people would experience God in a different way too.

Now for the fun stuff:

Baby is due in early January 2014. (I have like 14.5 weeks left—squeeeee!) I’ll need a new car seat and diaper bag for sure.

Yes, we need a van!!! Our faithful, God-piloted 5-seater car cannot nor will not hold an extra person. Since my promise-keeping God has promised to provide, I know that the van is coming. It won’t hurt to be specific and ask you all to pray for us. We have our eye on a Honda Odyssey. (We will take whatever vehicle works, but it doesn’t hurt to dream, right?) The only reason we’ve gone this long without is because we don’t have room for a car payment. However, the imminent need of a van has skyrocketed exponentially. And we’re on a deadline now.

My girls are all excited to be big sisters. They come to appointments with me and *help* the doctor listen to the heartbeat. They can’t wait until January and are looking forward to holding their new sibling.

Gender? We know it. And you’ll find out in January. **big cheesy grin** Yes, watching you all in suspense has been great fun for us. Lots of friendly wagers are happening around me as my friends and extended family try to break me or guess what the baby is. Our lips are sealed….

This experience is another faith-builder in my life. God’s up to something huge, y’all!

Caught Off-Guard

Thank you everyone, for all the kind comments, well-wishes and particularly, your prayers, regarding this pregnancy. The shock is wearing off more and more as each day goes by. I thought I should share a bit more about why I was caught off-guard.

My consistent and specific prayer this year has been to eliminate debt. Annihilate it so that we can save. With three girls and the looming thoughts of post-secondary education in their future– we don’t need debt. My other prayer has been for a bigger family vehicle. We currently drive a 2000 Nissan Maxima. Purchased second-hand, it was a great purchase for our needs at the time, back in 2004. Our idea was that this car would need to do for us and one child. Three children later, we’re still in the same car…even though we do not fit well in it.

As I’m praying for these requests, I watched God arrange a few opportunities around me to earn some extra income. We were in a comfortable groove. But count on God to not let me settle in one spot. There is something much more important than my desires– my willingness to trust Him with everything!!

Back towards end of April/beginning of May, I found myself feeling quite exhausted. Between a virtual assistant position I’d just prayerfully started, homeschooling, babysitting, church volunteer work, and home life, I figured I was stretching myself too thin. Time to re-examine my schedule and trim out all the little extras I was selfishly clinging too (aka season finales of fave tv shows, too much online time, etc).

My changes didn’t do much to help with the fatigue. Then my appetite began to change. I’d want a certain food, yet only eat a ~~small~~ tiny portion if the dish. I’m talking barely a few bites. Nothing was appetizing. The idea of food made my stomach start to churn. Perhaps I needed to find ways to increase my low iron levels (normal for me). But healthy food was nowhere near my radar.

Suddenly it clicked–I had to be pregnant!

Huh?! What?!?! Me?!?! How does this work? My prayers were for financial repair and a new vehicle. With the impending arrival of a new baby, a new vehicle suddenly jumped higher on the list. And the finances?? Huh?! What was going on exactly? I was clueless because I couldn’t see the full picture.

I was so stunned by the pregnancy test results that I made myself take three tests, just to be sure! I didn’t even have to wait the instructed two minutes for the results–that second line appeared immediately, before the test line did! I sat on my shock for days, taking nearly a week to tell my husband. He was equally floored. And then I copped out and give him the *pleasure* of sharing this news with our immediate family, and especially my mother.

Both my husband and I walked around in a foggy state for days. We were in no way mad or upset. Just shocked and overwhelmed. What was God’s plan for us, exactly?

I still don’t have an answer for that. God has shown me that I just need to let Him be in charge and to trust Him. He is the only Creator that has the power and ability to give life despite circumstances. He’s not about chaos or confusion. This bombshell of a new baby for our family means that He’s up to something B-I-G! Even though He hasn’t yet clued me in as to how all this is going to work, His Word has promised that He’s in control and that “every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good” (Rom. 8:28, The Message).

So now I was okay internally, with a new baby. Externally, however, I was still scared…

Giver or Lender?

Last night, I led out in a weekly prayer meeting at my church. The focus was friendships with friends. As I compiled my information to share with the group, one profound thought hit me:

Jesus gave. He did not lend.

There are four levels of friendship:

Acquaintance
Casual Friendship
Close Friendship (aka Fellowship)
Intimate Friendship

But rather than embrace these relationships, I’ve organized them by boundary levels. As a friend becomes dearer to me, they’re permitted to come another layer closer to my heart. Humans have fragile hearts that need protecting and sheltering. We don’t have limitless energies to just parcel ourselves out, even to our friends. We give, yet hope for a return on that investment. With all the rants we listen too, the advice we give, the hours spent on our knees in prayer, we cling to the idea that somehow, it would one day be reciprocated. After a certain time, we’re too drained. Fatigued by the emotional roller coaster of being a friend. We either need a break, some temporary distance or a final cut off.

That’s not how Jesus demonstrated friendship. He just gave. He didn’t view friendship as a relationship of expectation. He gave up heaven to come and show us how to live and love each other. He risked everything to show us that it is possible to make great choices amongst poor options. Jesus was the ultimate sacrificial lamb. He gave his best at all levels of friendship. Even towards His enemies, Jesus did no less than His best.

Along with his life, there are some other priceless gifts included:

Redemption. Grace. Mercy. Forgiveness. Peace. Joy. And so much more.

What kind of friend am I?

After last night, I’m determined to be a better friend. To give my best in each level of friendship. Suddenly, having a small number of friends isn’t so shameful after all. I cannot give my best if I need to reach a large quantity of people in the same way.

What kind of friend are you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m linking up today with Debi. You’re invited to drop in too.

Update From ‘Timely Words’ Post

I have an update to this post from a couple weeks back. I can divulge a few more details. The trouble brewing around my Hubby that day was work-related. Management had opted to do another (the third within approximately 14 months) major round of cuts. While they don’t have the exact number of how many were let go, the guestimation is that it was about two-thirds of the staff.

That’s. A. Lot!

Thankfully, my Hubby is still employed…for now. But there are no guarantees. There was a cryptic follow-up message with a plan for twelve months from now. Inquiring minds would love to know what exactly that means.

Yet, we’re at peace. We’re being intentional in trusting God. Nothing is guaranteed, even during peaceful times. It is possible to be filled with peace when we choose to trust God in the midst of uncertainty.

We see God working, giving us glimpses of hope just when we need them.

For all that life is not, God is.

Timely Words

My Hubby messaged me this morning with a prayer request. I can’t go into details right now, but there’s trouble brewing around him today. Focused on my personal theme of “intentional” for this year, I made a few deliberate choices. I was intentional to not panic and intentionally sought peace instead.

After receiving the text message, I took time to do my daily Bible study. The last few days have included either chapters or large portions of scripture to read. Today devotional and scripture was brief. The reading said to reflect and memorize the following one verse:

The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm. Exodus 14:14 (NLT)
God will fight the battle for you. And you? Keep your mouths shut. (MSG)

What?! Seriously?!

Seriously!!

This portion of Exodus tells of the Israelites’ journey from Egypt to Canaan. The Egyptian army has just caught up to them, trapping between the army and the Red Sea. But God has a plan! And it doesn’t involve any interaction between both groups. Rather, the Israelites are instructed to march forward on the path God is about to open before them and to leave the army up to Him. And boy, does He handle the Egyptian army.

I don’t have any answers. I have no idea what will happen around my Hubby today. What I do know is Who is in control and has a plan. Better than anything I can dream up in my finite, limited thinking.

My goal to live intentionally? It’s in progress.

Thoughts on Surrender

Why are the best things in life among the hardest things in life?

Surrrender.

It goes against human nature to concede. To give in. To yield completely to another. Even when that “another” is God. Because God doesn’t fail, the idea of surrender should be a no brainer. The opposite is what we tend to live out. Because it’s God, we pull out all the thoughts, ideas, rebuttals, refusals and hold back.

I saw this video and the message resonates with me each time I watch it. Take a look.

**sigh**

There are so many layers to surrendering. Let me share a few more thoughts:

Surrendering is H-A-R-D!!!!
To surrender is a choice.
Even making no choice is actually a choice all on its own.
It’s our responsibility. God doesn’t coerce or force us to surrender.
We have to be all in because there’s no room for partial surrender.
Jesus didn’t die in pieces. His death was complete. Surrender cannot happen in pieces; it must be complete.

Have you been thinking about surrender? Feel free to share your thoughts below.

Why Compare?

There are some things that moms do that I can’t quite get, like comparing. Sometimes it seems like a big game to one-up the mom who told their little ditty before you. Perhaps you’ve been part of a discussion like this:

Mom 1: You know what Junior did this week? He threw out my new watch, the one I got for Christmas.

Mom 2: Oh, I hear that. You know what Ella did this week? She threw the tv remote in the garbage. Good thing we’d just changed the bag!

Mom 3: Oh yeah? Well Robin tossed the new container of diaper cream into where? The. full. diaper. pail. I just left it. Not worth the stench.

Mom 4: Ha! This one takes the cake. I was wondering where my crystal coasters were going. Turns out that Kaylee was chucking them out one by one. I caught her the other day. The entire set is lost now.

And it goes on and on.

Sitting with a group of moms one day, this comparison game crept up. One mom innocently mentioned something her toddler had done that week. Not to be outdone, a second mom shared her similar story. My turn was coming around. As a mom of three, of course there was plenty to share.

Then I heard that Voice. I knew what to share: nothing! I remained silent, saying nothing, letting the other moms continue on with their sharing.

The comparison game looks harmless on the surface. It’s even a tad funny at times, to hear some of these stories. Except it goes deeper. Questions flood my mind.

Was my story worth sharing? Was it funny enough? Was my trinket valuable because of its sentimentality or because of the dollar amount? Do they think I’m a bad mom for not noticing it sooner? Did they laugh as hard at my story as they did with the others?

Do you see where my mind went? During my inner comparison game, I quickly grabbed onto the disadvantages; the negatives.

The comparison game is unhealthy and unproductive because I don’t play fair.

The Word encourages me to “fix my thoughts on what is true”. Comparing myself to my peers doesn’t accomplish much. However, choosing to set my sights on God’s standards improves my life. Nothing I say or do can compare with that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What has your experience been, playing the comparison game? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

The Testimony: What I Told

Remember this post, about being real about my testimony?

Well, I did it. There’s something unnerving about having people sit and stare at you eagerly, awaiting your words. It’s a testimony–so there’s a high expectation. While the listeners don’t know your details, they do expect that your story will reveal something amazing about God’s character. Oh how I prayed I wouldn’t disappoint. I remembered that my testimony had nothing to do with me. This was the chance to tell what God has done. I know God was working even in that moment because I barely remember what I had said.

I grew up in a Christian home and in a church. I didn’t have any drastically rebellious moments where I’d totally turned away from God. Because of that, I’ve gotten to know God for Who He Is and not only for what He’s done in my life. Knowing God this way gives you a confidence in life. I’ve tried to make choices all throughout life that were honourable to God. It didn’t matter how big or small the issue seemed. It is okay to say no (or yes) to something if you aren’t too sure–even if you didn’t have a big explanation behind it. I shared the following story as an example.

When the movie Titanic first opened, the majority of the youth group wanted to meet together for dinner first, and then go to see the film. I grew up in a home and a culture where movie-going was never encouraged. There is no Bible verse behind it, no ‘thou shalt not attend the cinema’, no church rule either. It was just something that we never did and something that I’ve stuck with even into adulthood, though many of my Christian peers go regularly. After dinner that night, I politely declined seeing the movie, taking my younger siblings home. My friends were shocked. I just said that I wasn’t comfortable with going to the movies, never having gone before. I let that be enough, despite their attempts of peer pressure. It eventually got to the point that my friends stopped hanging out with me altogether.

It was because of how and why I chose to make decisions in my life that enabled me to stand up to my friends. Many of these same friends are not happy today. They’re lacking that inner, deep-rooted peace. My life, highly imperfect and somewhat mundane, is peaceful and happy. I prefer that to the alternative.

As I live, day by day, I want my life to always be a testament to God. It’s well worth the effort.

When Your Guests Don’t Show

You know the tense moments, after the fancy invitations have gone out. Money is spent on décor and supplies. Door prizes are purchased. You have exciting entertainment on hand. There’s a live band on hand, ready with the popular tunes of the day. You’re hoping everyone will come. In fact, you’re praying for a fantastic turnout. The day arrives and ?

No one comes.

Awkward, right? I wish I was referring to a childhood birthday party. I even wish I was referring to an adult dinner party. Sadly, no. This similar situation happened at a church event last week.

There was a bit of money spent in radio advertising, as well as fancy posters and small flyers. The stage was set with a backdrop matching the skydiving theme; parachute and jumper’s back pack included. Awesome door prizes were handpicked with the target audience in mind. A few musicians came together and formed a band, just for this event. Hours of daily rehearsal time went into the musical aspect. Music was nearly as vital as the spoken word. There were weeks of prayer and anticipation. The opening night arrived and ?

Hardly any of the target audience showed up.

We had great support from church members; mostly those much older than youth age. They reveled in the entire week. Night after night, an audience arrived eager to hear the Word of God. They were blessed by the music. Many guests hope that the band will stay together now that the event has passed. There was a buzz of disappointment in the air on Saturday night, as the week ended.

The flip side of this: there are people, of all ages, that are hungry for the Gospel message. God’s Word is bigger, stronger, and much more powerful than a semi-empty room. Though the program format was geared towards youth, the older folks who came loved it and refused to miss even one evening.

Just when you think you’ve got it all covered, God reminds us that He’s in control. We yearned for the event to happen His way.

It did.

Do I Look Like A Chicken?

I sure feel like one lately. There are many posts that get composed, then contained all inside my head. Words just flowing freely, written brilliantly, with descriptions to envelop the reader.

Yet they bottled up inside because I’m too nervous to write them down. I once worried about whether or not my dear readers would appreciate the message or my words. But I don’t write for the sole purpose of attracting readership. I love my readers and that fact that people actually do “follow” my blog. How cool is that?! Thank you!! I also know that you’re not here because I’m some super-genius writing connoisseur.

My deeper worry is that I won’t do justice to the message. There are many a thing I feel impressed to share. Ideas and lessons that I have been gifted to put into words. Maybe just one person will read it and be impacted in a positive way.

Despite worry is reality. ~~If.~~ When I don’t share what’s been impressed upon me, I’m actually stifling the message. I’m blocking somebody’s blessing. What a sobering thought. What an uncool thought! I don’t want to be a hindrance. I prefer to be a vessel.

So, here’s to March and open hearts and words. Here’s to remembering some great advice from The Message Bible:

God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible. 2 Timothy 1:7