family – Sabrina J-R

There Is Laughter After Death

Death. This is a topic that most common talk seems to respectfully avoid. Yet, there are many neat things that happen surrounding the death of someone.

My cousin died last week. (I’ll have to post more about him later).

While that was sad, what happened next was neat to watch. People seemed to appear out of nowhere. I saw a longtime family friend for the first time in eight years. One extended relative returned home for the gathering (no formal service at my cousin’s request) and had time to spend and catch up with people he hadn’t seen in 20+ years. Relatives I hadn’t seen since the last year’s huge family event, made an appearance. Sometimes I forget that we all live in the same city. Some of my cousin’s friends who had long ago lost touch, reappeared to share their condolences and memories with the family.

It was wonderful. A chance to reconnect, with the intention of maintaining contact. Thanks to modern technology and social media, this is truly possible to do. Pictures were taken and shared and will be posted online for everyone near and far to enjoy.

And there was lots of laughter. Though death is sad, it was nice that the time spent with loved-ones wasn’t soaked up by tears, regrets and nose-blowing. People left with a light heart, happy to celebrate a life.

What encouragement to do my best with the life that I have.

The Choice Is Ours

Free choice, while a free gift, does come with a high price.

I have a relative who was raised in a Christian environment and taught all about God. Education was done at a private Christian school, helping to emphasize and reinforce the teachings in the home. However, the home life wasn’t the most ideal. As a result of a combination of things, this relative has chosen to turn away from God. Completely.

It’s their choice to do so. God has given all of us the power of free choice. He outlines in His Word the benefits and blessings of life with Him and the great reward. He also outlines what life is like without Him in it. It isn’t as promising as life with Him. Yet, in the end, the choice lies with each one of us. We can choose either way. And you also have the power to change your mind.

I know a number of people. Not all are Christians, nor have they all been taught about the option of living life with God. Yet, for the most part, the majority of these people are nice, kind, generous, sincere and loving in their own way. Some are searching for a deeper meaning to life and are going along a more self-directed thinking. Others recognize the need to acknowledge the power that is beyond them, outside of themselves and so, choose God.

The relative who has chosen to turn away from God has done so with such a vengeance and anger that it has made them bitter and spiteful and unattractive. What a lonely life. It’s been sad to watch. Yet, it’s their choice. Regardless of what I think and regardless of what I believe, it’s not my role to act as persuader. Even if it helps them to become nicer.

All I can do is hope that my life painted a different picture of God than the horrible memories they’re clinging too from years past and refuse to forgive others for.

This is enough motivation to always choose life.

Riding The VBS Wave

Sounds like I’m surfing, right? Well I am, kind of.

It’s Vacation Bible School (VBS) week at my church. Tonight was night four of five. The theme: SonSurf Beach Bash. Yes, it is as fun as it sounds. There’s been a different focus each evening. Meet Up, Look Up, Join Up, Meet Up and Fire Up with/to Jesus. We’ve had a great turnout of 30 kids total. My main job has been to tell the Bible story each night. There were two presentations; one per age group. It was fun to get creative with the story–and great to see the kids learning.

Being with other kids for an entire week is truly a parental aid. There are things I’ve observed over the course of the week that made me reflect on how I parent my girls. So, while all the kids were having a blast, this Momma was busy learning too, from a different angle. I think that as a parent, it’s important to not attend these events with a closed mind. You really should never walk around as though you already know everything there is to know about anything. The way life changes, there is always something new to be learned; something that you can be taught. If you don’t keep stretching and learning, then you’ll start receding and dying, I think.

Anyhoo, now for the promised video. This gives you an idea of how catchy the music has been this week.

Working (Out) Hard

The last 7 weeks have been very trying for me.

I started exercising again.

My parents have given me many things. The one thing they haven’t given me, however, was the “bounce-back gene”. The gene that would allow my belly to bounce back to flatness, post-pregnancy. And so, I must work hard to shrink & maintain the tummy area. It’s also important to incorporate fitness into my regular routine so that I set a good example for my family and so that I’m physically healthier too. Plus, I’m not ready to totally quit feeding my sweet tooth, so I must burn some calories in order to offset the occasional intake.

So far, the workouts have been going well. My goal was to exercise for five days a week. I’m happy to report that I’ve only missed one day. Yes, 1 day!! I do Monday through Friday and then take the weekends off. I’ve also been mixing up the routines a wee bit.

I started off with Jillian Michaels’ 30-day Shred. Good workout and a great way to start back exercising post-partum. I alternated that with 10 Minute Solutions Hip Hop Mix. More cardio, good for body. Then while blog surfing one day, I came upon a couple new (at least to me) Jillian videos; Ripped in 30 and 6 Week 6 Pack. Maybe I’ll review them later, but until then, just look them up on Amazon. The reviews sold me on them. And so far, I’m enjoying the ~~torture~~ workouts.

The best part for me, though, has to be watching my older girls join in on the workouts. I make a conscious effort to not talk too much (aloud, anyways) about shape, size & weight around my girls. What I prefer for them to hear is the importance of physical fitness and eating well. Making sure that meals are well-rounded and that treats are allowed in moderation. Fitness has to be a lifestyle thing, not a passing phase. I also want my girls to grow up with a positive body image. They’re female, which seems to automatically put them into an appearance battle.

Women tend to analyze each other when they first meet up. What’s worse—they are analyzed by nearly everyone, male & female. I will definitely explain all these things to them as they continue to grow older. In the meantime, however, I want their childhoods to be enjoyable and carefree from that pressure in our home. At 2 and 4 years old, they should be looking to learn ABCs and “reading, ‘riting & ‘rithmetic”. They are learning manners, proper hygiene and how to show love to everyone. This is a Christian home, so they’re also learning about God and how much He loves them, and how to reflect that love to others. After all that, there’s no time to bog them down with what size they are and how many curves they have and what outfit best accentuates those curves. Oftentimes, self-esteem is based on how we feel about ourselves—and the physical appearance is a huge factor here.

Overall, I want all my girls to be healthy. Look healthy, feel healthy and have a healthy self-esteem.

Day 9: Peppermint Tea

Did I mention that chocolate chip cookies go very nicely with peppermint tea? Yes, we’re still very much into our cookies here. Gotta love that Pillsbury cookie dough.

Late post tonite, but one nonetheless. I was just upstairs with the sistahs & hubby, chatting away. We started off catching a poor excuse for a joke from an email that a sista received today. It was a (clean) proposition, which she had to turn down. And well, convos evolve and we had a great discussion. Prayer really does make such a positive difference in one’s life. We made a pact; to pray together on a regular basis. While we’re all living together, we should be constructive with our time. It’s no accident that we’re here at this time. I can’t see the future, but I can make the most of the present.

Had a busy one today. Baby slept in nicely–yay! I was able to get up before she did, but not too early. Got a head start on my dish for potluck tomorrow. When she awoke, I got her dressed and we went to run a few errands. Got back, and organized a few things for church tomorrow. I’m so glad to have those Veggie Tale Silly Songs DVDs. It provides me with a nice diversion for Jamayia on the occasion when I have pressing matters to tend to. Since she refused to sleep, we ventured into the kitchen and made supper for the family.

I did manage to catch some of the Osmonds on Oprah. It was quite interesting. I didn’t grow up in the Osmond era, so I missed all the hype. But, watching the clips and hearing the music, they were almost similar to the Jacksons, minus the drama. It was encouraging to see that a large family can live through the entertainment industry and still stick together. It was also very nice to see that they weren’t pathetically sad over the death of their father. There were moments of sadness on the show, but in a touching way. That’s probaby because they seemed to have no outlying regrets of their lives growing up. Not to say that none of them had any mistakes or shadows in their pasts. I know that there’s no way the Jackson family would’ve been able to make it through the Oprah show in a comfortable manner.

I’d love to see moments like that in my family. Looks like I’ve got some loving to do.

Family Secrets

I watched an ABC Primetime episode tonite because it caught my eye. The focus was on pregnant teens who choose to adopt out their unborn children. The two girls in the stories were 15 & 18 at the time of their pregnancy, and went on to both have daughters and chose couples who would adopt them. It was a very touching episode. Two things really stuck out in my mind.

The first is that good things happened for the birth moms down the road. They were interviewed again three years later, now 18 & 21. The 18 yr old was prepping for community college and had no regrets about her decision to place her daughter for adoption. Though she was harassed as school for her choice, she felt that at the time, it was the best thing for her child. And she was doing her best to do something good with her life. The 21 yr old was working in her dream job and she too had no adoption regrets. She hopes that when her girl turns 18, her doorbell rings for a reunion… I respect that these girls went on to do something good with their lives.

The second was a statement that one of the adoptive mothers made. She has three adopted girls. And their family is open about that detail of their lives–all three girls know that they’re adopted. They each have albums from their birth moms and get to see pictures of their biological families. The show host asked the adoptive mom why she chooses to be open with her young girls. Her response was that she’d never met a 30 yr old who took it well when they suddenly found out they were adopted, and that family secrets are never good. Yeah for her.

Coming from a background and culture where it was important to keep many family secrets, it really makes no sense. It’s much easier to deal with things when you know what you’re dealing with. It also helps you to look less stupid to those around you when you’re aware of what’s happening in your family.

We’re doing our best here to make sure that we don’t keep family secrets from Jamayia. It doesn’t mean that we’ll give her detailed descriptions about every little thing. But when she asks, we’ll be open with her.