I watched an ABC Primetime episode tonite because it caught my eye. The focus was on pregnant teens who choose to adopt out their unborn children. The two girls in the stories were 15 & 18 at the time of their pregnancy, and went on to both have daughters and chose couples who would adopt them. It was a very touching episode. Two things really stuck out in my mind.
The first is that good things happened for the birth moms down the road. They were interviewed again three years later, now 18 & 21. The 18 yr old was prepping for community college and had no regrets about her decision to place her daughter for adoption. Though she was harassed as school for her choice, she felt that at the time, it was the best thing for her child. And she was doing her best to do something good with her life. The 21 yr old was working in her dream job and she too had no adoption regrets. She hopes that when her girl turns 18, her doorbell rings for a reunion… I respect that these girls went on to do something good with their lives.
The second was a statement that one of the adoptive mothers made. She has three adopted girls. And their family is open about that detail of their lives–all three girls know that they’re adopted. They each have albums from their birth moms and get to see pictures of their biological families. The show host asked the adoptive mom why she chooses to be open with her young girls. Her response was that she’d never met a 30 yr old who took it well when they suddenly found out they were adopted, and that family secrets are never good. Yeah for her.
Coming from a background and culture where it was important to keep many family secrets, it really makes no sense. It’s much easier to deal with things when you know what you’re dealing with. It also helps you to look less stupid to those around you when you’re aware of what’s happening in your family.
We’re doing our best here to make sure that we don’t keep family secrets from Jamayia. It doesn’t mean that we’ll give her detailed descriptions about every little thing. But when she asks, we’ll be open with her.
