Some of the best conversations with strangers happen at the hair salon.
I was nearing the end of my hair appointment yesterday. I had just finished under the dryer and was going to be styled. I came from the back area into the main part of the store, and there were a few other ladies there. One was a young girl. The other two were older (at least mid 40s & 50s). At first the two older ones were just chatting about parking…actually complaining about parking was better. I just listened to what they had to say. I was just thankful that in a place like Winnipeg, parking is free in many areas and still cheap enough downtown. Something you can take for granted until you travel. Then, the conversation started to morph and eventually reached to the topic of marriage.
The oldest lady was saying that she doesn’t want to get married. And that’s totally fine. Marriage is not for everybody, nor is everybody marriage material. This world is no longer a perfect place, and it’s becoming almost some sort of archaeological quest to find a great life partner. So someone asked her why she didn’t want to be married. In a nutshell, she’s seen too many horrible things happen in marriages, and she doesn’t want that for herself. All of her siblings have bad marriages. Of course I had to ask her then if she knew anyone with a good marriage. She said no. I told her that she needs some new friends. She also mentioned that men tell you what to do when you get married and she didn’t want anyone changing her or controlling her. I was happy to tell her that that doesn’t happen in all marriages. She looked at me like I was nuts. Thank God I was able to tell her that I am happily married and my husband does not control me. Suddenly I had some credibility. Meanwhile, the 2nd oldest lady piped up and make some crack about how men tell you that you can’t spend money when they’re married. And then she shut up for the remainder of the conversation. If I had the time, I would’ve asked her more about that. Both people in the marriage should be keeping an eye on the finances/budget. If a spouse has to tell another to stop spending, I’d hope it was because you were spending foolishly!
As the convo went on a bit more, it turns out that the older lady knew of one couple with a good marriage–her parents. But she chose to overlook their example and watch her siblings poor example instead. She was letting fear run her life. I was just saddened at how she had the power to break the cycle in her family and set a positive example for her young nieces & nephews, but she refused. She automatically assumed that if she were to marry, it would end up to be bad. And I guess she has a point. If you walk into any relationship with negative thinking and assumptions, that will be the driving force behind what you put into it. I have yet to see negativity breed positivity.
She talked a bit more and mentioned that she was perfectly fine single and quite happy where she was in life. Then she mentioned that sometimes she gets a bit lonely for male attention, but otherwise she’s fine. I had to back her up. She doesn’t want to get married, so why is she lonely for a man? Then she tried to say that sometimes you want someone to go to coffee or dinner with, and then go to your separate homes at the end of the night. I asked her if she had any girlfriends–they should do the trick for your loneliness. Yeah, she meets friends, but sometimes you want a guy. Then I had to ask her what is the point of dating around if she has no plans to ever commit to one person. She quickly jumped on the defensive saying that she’s not dating many people and she’s not about seeing multiple men.
Poor, confused lady. As I was leaving, someone asked her if she had ever prayed for a good man. Her reply was that she used to, but she never got one so she stopped asking. And again, that was another comment that I couldn’t just let slip by. I asked her if there was a time limit on her prayer request…
Hmm… the life lessons you can learn from people just by listening to them. It’s sad to see her so bogged down in bitterness and hurt and talking nonsense. She did say though that about everything else in life she’s positive. She’s only negative when it comes to men. I’d love the chance to chat with her again…about a different topic this time. I’d like to hear some happy thoughts for a change.