Let me clarify–I’m not talking about myself, personally. But in sticking with my pledge to be a more honest blogger, I wanted to post my viewpoint on this topic of marriage vs divorce.
I just read a post on a blog I regularly read. She said that two days ago, her & hubby filed for divorce. She went on to explain that she loves him and always will. But, she’s not in love with him. She’s kept this secret for years, hidden from everyone. She’s made every effort to do her marriage right, but she’s just not in love with her hubby anymore, hence the divorce.
So what? Well, she’s entitled to do whatever she wants. But a few things bothered me. Enough that I may have to post a comment and ask a couple questions. I’ll keep them general questions, though. I don’t want to attack her. Here’s a list of things that initially came to mind:
The first thing: Why jump directly to divorce? Why not separate and work on reconciliation? Is marriage not a relationship worth saving? Is counselling an option for this relationship? Are you even open to working on falling “in love” with your spouse again? If you don’t want to work towards it, why not?
The second thing: The overwhelming, but somewhat bland support that the post commentators are showing. Their comments are nothing but respect, and admiration and applause for the Blogger for taking this step of divorce. Not one comment has encouraged her to make every effort in her marriage. Not one has offered hints, tips or tricks on how to work at starting over in the marriage and working on falling in love with your spouse.
The second thing really saddened me. But it also opened my eyes as to why the divorce rate in so high in today’s world and why is so widely and easily accepted. In no way am I saying that divorced people should be attacked in any way, shape or form. But it’s almost as though divorce has become a sort of status symbol in our society. In many cases, it seems that people try harder to salvage most relationships, except the marital one. Why is that? Why fight for years with a parent/sibling/relative (whom you didn’t choose) but walk away from a spouse (whom you willingly chose)?
This leads into my third thought: If you’re in a good marriage, best of friends with your spouse, things are going well, and your find yourself no longer “in” love, does that mean you must divorce? If you were working together all this time, then why not continue? Of course, communicate with your spouse and discuss your feelings. But does it mean that the relationship needs to be over because the “in” is missing, though the love is there?
And the fourth and final thing: Does one’s perspective on marriage change based on spiritual beliefs? Divorce happens in both Christian and non-Christian circles. Do the efforts vary?
My intention is not to bash or disrespect anyone. I often have these questions in my head when I hear of some divorces, so I threw them out there. In the end, the decision lies with the couple to do whatever they think is best for their situation. I have no say in anyone’s marriage, but my own.