Caught Off-Guard

Thank you everyone, for all the kind comments, well-wishes and particularly, your prayers, regarding this pregnancy.  The shock is wearing off more and more as each day goes by.  I thought I should share a bit more about why I was caught off-guard.

My consistent and specific prayer this year has been to eliminate debt. Annihilate it so that we can save.  With three girls and the looming thoughts of post-secondary education in their future– we don’t need debt.  My other prayer has been for a bigger family vehicle.  We currently drive a 2000 Nissan Maxima.  Purchased second-hand, it was a great purchase for our needs at the time, back in 2004.  Our idea was that this car would need to do for us and one child.  Three children later, we’re still in the same car…even though we do not fit well in it.

As I’m praying for these requests, I watched God arrange a few opportunities around me to earn some extra income. We were in a comfortable groove.  But count on God to not let me settle in one spot. There is something much more important than my desires– my willingness to trust Him with everything!!

Back towards end of April/beginning of May, I found myself feeling quite exhausted. Between a virtual assistant position I’d just prayerfully started, homeschooling, babysitting, church volunteer work, and home life, I figured I was stretching myself too thin. Time to re-examine my schedule and trim out all the little extras I was selfishly clinging too (aka season finales of fave tv shows, too much online time, etc).

My changes didn’t do much to help with the fatigue.  Then my appetite began to change.  I’d want a certain food, yet only eat a small tiny portion if the dish.  I’m talking barely a few bites.  Nothing was appetizing.  The idea of food made my stomach start to churn.  Perhaps I needed to find ways to increase my low iron levels (normal for me).   But healthy food was nowhere near my radar.

Suddenly it clicked–I had to be pregnant!

Huh?!  What?!?!  Me?!?!  How does this work?  My prayers were for financial repair and a new vehicle.  With the impending arrival of a new baby, a new vehicle suddenly jumped higher on the list.  And the finances??  Huh?!  What was going on exactly?  I was clueless because I couldn’t see the full picture.

I was so stunned by the pregnancy test results that I made myself take three tests, just to be sure! I didn’t even have to wait the instructed two minutes for the results–that second line appeared immediately, before the test line did!  I sat on my shock for days, taking nearly a week to tell my husband. He was equally floored.  And then I copped out and give him the *pleasure* of sharing this news with our immediate family, and especially my mother. 

Both my husband and I walked around in a foggy state for days.  We were in no way mad or upset. Just shocked and overwhelmed.  What was God’s plan for us, exactly?

I still don’t have an answer for that.  God has shown me that I just need to let Him be in charge and to trust Him.  He is the only Creator that has the power and ability to give life despite circumstances. He’s not about chaos or confusion.  This bombshell of a new baby for our family means that He’s up to something B-I-G!  Even though He hasn’t yet clued me in as to how all this is going to work, His Word has promised that He’s in control and that “every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good” (Rom. 8:28, The Message).

So now I was okay internally, with a new baby.  Externally, however, I was still scared…